Relative Something

I do not have a smart phone. I have an antique, by today’s cell phone standards. It’s a couple of years old. I admit I am straggling in the slow lane of the cell phone superhighway. There are people in this country who have never even had one cell phone. I’ve had two. Three, if I count the replacement for the one that was lost when a thief stole my briefcase.

I’m pretty sure that kids today would consider it unthinkable to live without a cell phone. That shouldn’t be a surprise. They have grown up with cell phones. Their parents can remember when such a device was the science fiction of television’s Star Trek. It is a lot easier to live without a cell phone when you have already lived the most impressionable years of your life without one.

I wonder how quickly today’s kids, after they’ve grown past middle age, will adapt to the personal, hand-held ion-neutralizing scanning photon nebulizer anti-radiation healing beam devices with built-in satellite repositioning capabilities that will be all the rage. I’m sure they will have, long before that, stepped up to have their communication devices implanted inside their heads for the truly hands-free texting telepathy that will have become commonplace.

Number of mosquitoes swatted in the house last night: 6
Mosquito count outside the house lately: Googolplex
Seconds until hoards of mosquitoes descend on my exposed flesh in the garage: 6
Amount of bug repellent I like putting on my skin: 0
Amount of day being worked today: 1/2
Hours to be driven out of town: 3
Number of mosquitoes waiting for me up north: nevermind
Related families uniting for the weekend: 9
Family reunions so far this summer: 2
The unqualified answer to anything: six
Number of kids who know what that’s all about: 2
What that has to do with anything right now: nothing
Number of ideas I had when I decided to create this list: 0
Number of times numbers have been repeated in the answers above: 3
Significance of that: come on, it’s a numbers list!
Number of times the State Fair was brought up at work yesterday: way too many
Calories in an order of cheese curds at the fair: 1,140
Miles of walking the fair grounds required to burn that many calories: 11.5
How much less that makes me lust for fried cheese curds: zilch, zippo, hardly at all
How fond mosquitoes are of fried cheese curds: now that’s just plain silly

Have you seen the Lance Armstrong commercial for Radio Shack about leaving phone messages?

How often have you called me and left a message? Uh huh, just as I thought.  I don’t check the messages. They are almost never meant for me. I think it’s funny how that creates something of an inconvenient dilemma out of the brilliant technology of voicemail. As logically helpful as the answering machine is, if it is rarely used, it becomes easy to neglect, which leads to the potential for missed messages. Pretty much defeats the whole purpose for having it.

I realize we could just update our setup to allow callers to indicate who they are leaving a message for and then have it signal me when appropriate. Otherwise, I’m wading through charity organizations, political fundraisers, telemarketers or someone wanting Cyndie.

In the mean time, you could always text me. Or email. Or comment here.

Don’t make me get off the bike.

I don’t know why I do it. It’s like a bad habit. It doesn’t feel like stubbornness, but I’m probably not the one to judge. That trait is more easily seen from the other person’s perspective. I tend to adopt little pet problems that, by lack of any initiative on my part to take any action toward resolving the situation, I allow to negatively impact my activities over and over and over again.

I compare it to the plumber who works all day long fixing other people’s plumbing and then neglects to do anything about his own dripping faucet, except that my issues don’t all align with my day job activities.

Long ago, the battery for my laptop computer began to show signs of failing. When it reached the point of simply allowing the computer to shut down without warning, I responded by making sure to never use my computer when it isn’t plugged in. My son asked me why I don’t just buy another battery. Hmm. I don’t know why. That would sure take care of the problem.

He also tells me that it’s not efficient to keep many tabs open in my browser and may slow processes. Sometimes, when I’m waiting for the spinning beachball icon on my computer while it struggles to accomplish some invisible task, I think about what he said. For whatever strange reason, my attachment to navigating with multiple tabs open for days on end does not yield to such informed advice.

I’m inclined to wonder if growing up in a house where my father ripped out the kitchen cabinets and never replaced them, contributed to my ability to live with inconveniences. I didn’t know any better at the time. I liked the metal shelves that were put up to hold dishes and dry goods, like cereal and snacks. It was easy to see everything out in the open like that.

Using a vice grip pliers to turn on the water in the shower after the knob quit working never seemed that outlandish. Little did I know that such a skill of adapting to adversity would turn out to be a curse of tolerance for absurdity later in my life.

It doesn’t feel any different to me today. But it is Spring and they passed the Health Care bill. I won’t fret either of them for a while. Spring will taunt with warm days and then dump snow on us. The new Health Care laws will offer solutions to some, opportunities for others and provide plenty of angst for those who are in opposition of anything related to it. Mostly, I think it angers people who did not want to see the current President succeed at anything. In all things, there is both good and bad. For every rule, there will be an exception.

Just yesterday, my lovely wife was more than happy to point out one of my socks she found in the laundry that was rolled up in a ball. This being not long after I had clued her in that I was able to tell when she was stealing my socks for her own use because they turned up in the laundry all rolled up in a ball after she took them off. I don’t do that. I pull them off by the toe so they get a decent washing and drying. If there are rolled socks in the clean laundry, she has been wearing them. And how clean can they actually be at that point, anyway?

No sooner do I point out to her that I don’t do something a certain way, there appears evidence to the contrary. Maybe I should tell her that I don’t ever play hooky from work. It would be for the good of science, to test a theory. Of course, it might be best to wait until a time when I’m not about to take an entire week off for vacation. It will be best that I get an entire 5-days of work in since next week Cyndie and I will be in sunny (I hope) Florida to visit her parents. I’m sure we’ll find plenty of opportunities there to test my theory that for everything I can claim, there will quickly appear exceptions to humble me.

Just like opposites that attract, the more I learn, the less I know. You know?

Happy healthy Spring!

With the day job claiming so much of my time and attention lately, it is only logical that it becomes more a part of what I write about here. Yesterday was exciting in a little different way than normal and is worthy the effort to describe. First, I need to set the scene with some backstory.

The company I am with evolved from a larger company over 9 years ago. At that time, some of the equipment from the previous business, like hand tools that crimp contacts onto wires, was acquired to use for the new company, so we started with already used equipment. One particular style of crimp tool is in demand so often that we eventually ended up with 4 of them to minimize waiting. These tools eventually break down. When I tried to order a replacement years ago, we learned that the original old favorite style had become obsolete and wasn’t available anymore. We received the new version.

The staff did not like the new one. People would wait for the favorite one instead of using the new one. Then another of the old favorites broke down. At the time, business was slowing dramatically, so there was little need for the extra tools. I held off buying another new version since it was unpopular anyway.

Now that we are busy again, there have been many requests for additional tools to meet the demand. I have looked on ebay for the old tool, but have never been there at the right time to get one. The last one there sold on November of 2009. I learned the other day how desperate my staff are getting when one of them reported that in the searches they do at night on the internet to find the tool they want, they found evidence that the obsolete tool is still available in the UK. They emailed the site to inquire and were asked to supply complete company information. That’s where I stepped in.

I wrote an ‘official’ request to a representative for the manufacturer in Europe for verification they actually had some of the obsolete tools to which my staff are so strongly attached. The first reply I received was a copy of my message being forwarded to a different department with a note saying my request was something another person should address. Then I received an email from a third person, located in the US, in Illinois, informing me that the obsolete tool is not available. Seems I have come full circle. I already knew it wasn’t available here. I just wanted to check if it was possibly still on hand somewhere in Europe.

Then I got a phone call from a representative of the manufacturer. They seemed a bit riled that I was seeking an obsolete tool. Later, I received another call, from a different person, who politely informed me that my request had gotten attention around the world and I could expect additional calls from others wanting to know why I was requesting obsolete tooling and probably another email with technical details clarifying the tool I should be ordering. The good news it that the newer version that we already have, that the staff don’t like to use, is now also obsolete and replaced by an even newer design. They want us to give that one a try.

It’s nice to see that I got some attention on this issue, but it’s a little embarrassing to be identified around the world as the guy trying to buy a tool that was declared obsolete over a decade ago.

More things I don’t understand:

I don’t understand why a full team of 11 individuals can all at the same time, contrary to how they have performed for 14 games prior, suddenly fail to execute their duties in a satisfactory manner in order to succeed at a minimum of 50% of what they are trying to do, especially when the opponents they are facing are statistically inferior.

I don’t understand how all the gears and joints, wire connections, springs and seals, function as well as they do from intense summer heat to sub-zero winter temperatures in today’s vehicles.

I don’t understand why an almost invisible sliver in my finger can effectively render me helpless and why the pain is so incredibly large for something so particularly small.

I don’t understand why truth is so often stranger than fiction.

I don’t understand why I can’t will myself to not be bothered by a losing effort of my home sports teams and instead turn on a good comedy and spend the time laughing instead of being frustrated.

I don’t understand why the teams I root for do okay when I don’t watch, and then as soon as I return to viewing, their performance returns to dismal.

I don’t understand why things like sports competition that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of life, death and peace on earth, garner so much time and attention from so many people like me.

I don’t understand why death is such a surprise to some people, since it happens to everyone and can occur at any time.

I don’t understand why the phenomenon of a ghost is normally considered to be a scary and threatening apparition, with the exception of Casper.

I don’t understand why some people attach so much importance to a somewhat arbitrary marker denoting the end of a calendar year that in reality is no different than any other of the 364 days.

I don’t understand why some people don’t understand that not understanding is no problem if it doesn’t really make any difference in the world whether you understand or not.

Time marches on.

I couldn’t stay away from all the relative somethings for very long, but my available time is measured in mere minutes of late. The amount of unavailable time is measured in a consecutive series of hours and is being filled with non-stop action at the day-job, wonderfully secretive holiday projects, obvious chores, as well as unplanned ones like snow shoveling, errand running and a variety of elfish duties while my lovely bride is on the road. Meanwhile, the guitars rest neglected in their cases and the creative writing is reduced to an almost imperceptible amount.

Regardless the hectic pace occupying my extremely limited time, it has not escaped my notice that one of the popular trends moving through current culture just happens to be one that my mother would have really enjoyed. Glee clubs appear to be all the rage of late. Mom was a Sweet Adeline and I saw that a current vocal competition being broadcast on NBC included a Sweet Adeline barbershop quartet as one of the final five groups competing. FOX Broadcasting has a series called “Glee” and a I’ve noticed features on the CBS Sunday Morning program and in the local newspaper highlighting the renewed interest in high school glee clubs. Could standing around the piano singing at house parties be far behind? I’m not sure I ever witnessed it actually happen, back in the good ol’ days, but I’ve seen it done in pictures. I wonder if anyone will know the words to obvious sing-along songs if the opportunity presents itself. Pass the eggnog.

Of all the things in the world that deserve our attention, I hate to admit that I get hung up on things like pencil lead. When the lead in a mechanical pencil runs out, there is no way to use the final half-inch of lead. It goes against my sense of frugality to just discard a perfectly write-able piece of lead. It seems to me that with the technology available to send rockets into space and land people on the moon without crashing into satellites that are beaming cell phone conversations about what someone posted on their Facebook page, there should be some way to design a device that holds the lead, allowing it to write all the way to the end!

But it occurs to me, now that I am writing about it, that there is probably more lead than my little remnant  piece, discarded every day when traditional wood pencils reach the end of their useful length. And in most of those, the lead is of an even bigger diameter, so there is a lot more waste occurring with the classic yellow number 2 test-taker. Relative to that, my mechanical is a real eco-friendly trend setter after all! What a relief. Now I can turn my attention to more significant problems like why it is so difficult sometimes to evenly engage the two-way zipper on my jacket, and thus allow it to pull all the way up. It is a rare occasion I get it on the first try.

Sometimes it feels easier to try to change those around us than change ourselves. I think the route to affecting change in the ones we love is through changing our own thoughts and behaviors. It can upset the balance of an ingrained, often times dysfunctional pattern, when we do finally change our behaviors, and that new imbalance can be disorienting at first. Difficult, even. But long term success is a reward for those who follow through. We become healthier, and over time, our improving health influences those around us in a positive way. Good things are worth waiting for.

Of value to someone, or trash?

Since I’ve returned from my trek in Nepal, I’m feeling even more motivated than before to follow through on a goal that I’ve been struggling with for quite a while. I want to distribute possessions that I’ve accumulated but no longer use. Aha! This reminds me of another of those messages that I heard once and it stuck with me ever since. I think it was a friend, Soma, that I met through the Twin Cities FreeNet, who told me she was distributing books from her collection to release the ‘energy’ of them back into the world. I love that thought and have considered it ever since. I like to think about the original author, obviously, composing the information with visions of a future audience receiving value from it, but also of the editors who worked on it, and the printer and binders who handled it. Even the people who cut trees or produced the paper. They all put their energy into creating that book. If it gets read once and then stored on the shelf, that energy becomes stagnant; trapped.

For some reason, I find myself thinking about returning the energy of stuff gathering dust in my house and garage, back into the world, an awful lot more than I find myself doing anything about it. I can consider my writing about it here another small step beyond just thinking about it; my first actual action toward doing something. Well, maybe that’s not entirely accurate. Last fall we signed on with a pest control service and were required to pull all the crap out of the garage to clean and assess the related pest issues. I put my hands on a lot of once perfectly useful stuff that now hasn’t been used in many years. It was a pretty good motivator. I cleaned up old stuff. I took pictures of stuff. I talked about listing it on eBay or Craigslist. Most impressively, I successfully placed what was more accurately identified as ‘trash’ into the proper receptacle; the one that gets dumped into a big truck each week.

Surely of value to someone. Now if I could only remember where I put it.

For a week or two after that, I even made good on a goal of finding something each week that was just taking up space here and deserved a ride in the big truck that comes through our neighborhood every Thursday. But that didn’t provide the feel-good result that is the reward of returning the energy force of those who produce products, back into the world. I want to decide if freecycle.org is a group for me and finish what I started toward posting ads on craigslist.org. I want to possess less stuff and I want to release the stagnant energy back into the world. I want to move from thinking and writing about it, to doing it. A worthy and deserving goal. Am I up to it? Sure. I’ve seen one of my sisters successfully disperse the majority of her accumulated possessions. Although, she had the added incentive of having sold their house to spend retirement living in a 5th-wheel trailer. I know it is possible. I’m just not clear yet on what time table I will finally make it happen for me.